Bedtime thoughts

So from the title you can probably guess that I’m in my bed curled up. Not comfortably because of surgery but curled up all the same.

So I just watched this programme on channel 4 called naked beach. Getting 3 individuals to have body confidence and maybe by the end of the week (episode) you see if they’ve built up the courage and confidence to bear all. There is 8 positive mentors I guess you could call them that.

It gave me food for thought, about how to appreciate my own body. I know it’s going to always have a bag on it but to love my body I have to look past my extra bit I have now and embrace my scars, stretch marks and my wobbly bits. I always think it’s better to have a bit of curvage about you.

Once it’s lost its swollen /bloatedness I’ll be taking a pic for my scrapbook for sure.

Be proud of all your body can do. Celebrate it.

Recovery and getting back to normality

Hey my beauties,

Sorry for kind of deserting ‘The Diary Of A Pinkaholic. Once I had my surgery on the 18th I was literally doped up on morphine and in la la land for the first week. I couldn’t move very well and the anaesthetic was giving me pain as it tried to work its way out of my body. I was irritated to fook so as soon as i felt I could I came off the strong pain killers and I am now on paracetamol as and when.

I had a huge anxiety attack the beginning of the second week, the biggest I’ve had in the 18 years of suffering with anxiety. I seriously thought this is it.

So once I was fit for discharge on day 10 it was like I can’t bloody wait for my own creature comforts and my bed.

I have had my ups and downs since I’ve been home but it’s still very early days so can’t expect miracles.

They say 6-8 weeks to feel semi normal but I wasn’t ever normal in the beginning ha ha.

Anyways I’ll leave it there for today and I’ll be back in a few days

Much love 💕

Bear with me

I am going to be taking a break from my rambling blog….This one.

I am having major surgery this afternoon and unsure when I will feel normal.

I have however scheduled some blog posts over on my main blog www.holzieloves.co.uk if you want to follow me there.

I’ll be back on here as soon as I can.

Ciao for now xx

Sod Off Anxiety

I love writing poetry and this one came into my head before bed so thought I’d share


Life with anxiety if you can relate

Is the most annoying illness there is to date

It ruins your plans when you are super keen

Why does it have to be so mean?

It makes you feel like your losing your mind

You’re searching for breath you think you can’t find

You search for an escape from this thing you call hell

Oh why oh why does it make you feel unwell

Look here anxiety you aren’t all that

Making people feel like they have been hit hard with a bat

A feeling not a lot can explain

Just leave us alone and don’t come back here again


If you are a sufferer of anxiety, please know you are not alone.

I have some news

For weeks and weeks I’ve been waiting for a phone call or letter from the hospital and the weird this is…. i said to Mum I had a funny feeling it would be today I’d hear and it was 😯 am I psychic or what.

So I am having my bladder removed in just under 2 weeks. After 7 years of it being a pain and rather dysfunctional, I’ll be glad to see the back of it.

If course I’m scared but it’s something I’m hoping will be the best thing to help me.

A friend who I’ve met through having bladder problems (not actually met she lives in the Isle of Wight) sent me this

I think it’s so pretty and it’ll be better to have that to look at rather than a bag of wee 🙈

I’ll keep you updated over the next week or so how my nerves are and how I’m preparing for it, I wanna try and still blog when I can in hospital.

Anyways it’s been a long day gonna hit the hay, whether I nod off quickly is another matter.

Today I don’t feel like doing anything (OK I did a bit)

I had a horrendous dream, screw that… it was a nightmare.

I woke up 2-3 times during the night which has made my eyes super tired today.

Its 9am at the mo, still in my pjs curled up on the sofa with a fluffy throw. I don’t intend staying in them all day though 🙈

I’ll keep you updated as the day goes on…

I had to wait in for my upgrade to come, so I couldn’t really do much as I didn’t want them to knock and leave it with a neighbour if I couldn’t get to the door quick enough.

It came about 2pm a Huawei P20 Pro. So I’ve spent most of the afternoon transferring my stuff from my old phone to my new one.

Mum’s a lucky one too as she has had an iPhone 4 for ages so she now has a Samsung S8.

I’ve just had a lovely bubble bath and jumped into bed, apparently a night time bath is supposed to help you sleep, fingers crossed.

Sorry it’s quite a boring post, promise the next one will have a bit more excitement to it.

A bit of Self reflection

It doesn’t hurt every now and again to sit down and think about what you really want.

Finding questions to answer to delve further into finding out who you are does no harm so that’s what i did.

Heres a few I’m going to share with you.

  1. What 3 words describe me best? Talkative, courageous and flirty
  2. What does my ideal life look like? Healthy, loved up and happy.
  3. What do i admire about myself? I manage to stay positive through all the health issues i encounter.
  4. What compliment do most people give you? That i have nice eyes.
  5. Who do you look up to most? My mum, she shows me what a strong person is and she helps me be one too.

I could go on and on but i know you’d probably get bored at some point.

I really do reccomend asking yourself questions like this as you will discover a part of you you never realised was there.

Hope you’ve all had a good weekend and heres to a great week ahead.